Wednesday, September 28, 2005

حزن الظهرية



زهقانة جدا جدا.. ومستغربانى – بجد مش عارفة مالى – احيانا كده بتيجى للواحد حالات اكتئاب من غير سبب- وده رغم انى علم نفس ومش بقتنع بحكاية من غير سب ده – لكن اهو حصل
من امبارح وانا مفتقدة حاجات كتير .. يمكن انى اهتف فى المظاهرة زيهم بالضبط
بس مش عارفة – بجد مش عارفة اهتف وكل ما ابص على عمرو وهو بيهتف استغرب ازاى بيعمل كده- بدوت كالبلهاء وانا اسير صامتة وبين فترة واخرى اهتف كالبلهاء ايضا كما يهتفون.
كثيرا ما اسال نفسى انا ليه بحضر مظاهرات ؟ ولا اعرف الاجابة .. لست منتمية الى اى حزب او جهة ولست عضوة فى كفاية وليس لى اى نشاط سياسى سوى حب الوطن.. حتى ده معايرها عندى مختلفة
يبدو اننى لا افهمنى جيدا – طب وده سبب انى احزن .. لا انا كده منذ الصباح .. منذ ان اردت ان ابدل طريقى من الذهاب للجامعة وحضور سيمنار الى الذهاب الى الحسين واحتساء القهوة على مقهى الحلوجى- لكننى فكرت وقررت حضور السيمنار
ثم فكرت فى مهاتفة عمرو واحرضة على الاستئذان من الشغل والخروج معا الا اننى عدلت عن الفكرة وذهبت بالفعل الى السيمنار الممل
انا افهمنى جيدا – انا اشعر بالعجز بفتح العين والجيم- اينعم انا عندى 23 سنة لكن حاسة انى كبيرة ورغم كده عندى احساس مناقض تماما انى طفلة واستغربنى فى فعل اشياء الكبار
انا يمكن زعلانة انى ما هتفتش امبارح فى المظاهرة وما روحتش الحسين وما خرجتش مع عمرو فجاة – يمكن- بجد الله يكون فى عونك يا عمرو هتتجوزنى ازاى – ده جنان يا ابنى – فكر كويس.

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